Of working and..

Now I asked myself, sometimes it seems like I'm confused. Am I strong enough for this? Am I ready for such life?

Working in this industry is very challenging. At first I was thinking to get married next March. Then I start working with my current company which is doing Offshore Installations and Transportation, only I realized that I need to be on board our vessel next year from Feb-Aug. Means at the earliest I will be a married man in Sept.

Then came another offer with this company which is a worlwide leader in Oilfield Services, I remember in interviews I kept saying that I am ready for all this hectic life with no work/life balance. I am ready to be single for a few more years! 

I thought I can escape. Then when I received the contract, clearly they state 'Employees are prohibited from getting married for the first 12 months of employment'. Tepuk dahi. No worries, end of next year.

Still not that easy for me to accept this. But I have no choice, I need to be strong, I fucking need to accept this. I need to be mean, be emotionless. No other way, again, now I know why people say no pain no gain. I was dying to be in, no I'm in, not in position to throw in the towel.

I cannot say much. I'm still new, I haven't see all. Now I am still enjoying being thrown to site, kena lenjan habis-habisan. Now I am still enjoying this site allowance. I am pretty sure that at one stage I will have enough of this. But it is still a mystery for me, till when can I hold on.

I know life will be even worse for me after the end of September. In principe, I am ready. But am I really up for it?

To be honest, I am just like others. Like most of them. I cannot deny the fact that I make decision with money as one of the most important factor. I say that I put job satisfaction and money in parallel. I have valid excuse for this. 

If I only think about money, I'd rather stay with my 1st company, another leading oilfield service provider. The money was good. But the job gave me no satisfaction.

Please forgive me if I write boring entries for all this while. I am still in the process of adapting and accepting my new life, this is still a new thing for me. Still quite confusing for me. Do you really want this? Do you really can do this?

I want to test myself to the limit. No chance to give up, I have been this far.. Sorry love and family, I will not always be available. I cant spent that much time with you.